As I've blogged about before, I have a system and I find it beneficial. But there are two consequences of this that sometimes seem a bit negative.
1. I don't feel like I have spare time.
If you were to ask me what I do in my spare time, my first answer would be that I don't have spare time. I don't feel like any time spent doing something I'm "supposed to" be doing is spare, or any time that is scheduled is spare. I've been surprised to hear other people say that they do yoga in their spare time, because to me it's a chore. Time spent on things that are objectively recreational but my system requires me to do, like reading books and newspapers, doesn't feel like spare time either, because I'm just doing what I'm supposed to be doing at that moment. Even something that's pure fun like going to see Eddie Izzard or going out to dinner doesn't feel like spare time, because it's an appointment - I have to be in a specific place at a specific time, so the time isn't spare. (For this reason, appointment television doesn't feel like spare time either, and I haven't idly channel-surfed since I transitioned to idly internetting.)
2. Tasks that aren't part of the system are disruptive
When something unexpected comes up, it disrupts the system. Having to go to a place and do a thing gets in the way of completing the day's system. Even if it's seeing Eddie Izzard - something welcome, enjoyable, anticipated, unquestionably worth doing - it still interferes with the day's system. I can't do all the things I'm "supposed" to do because I have to do the exceptional thing. I haven't yet figured out how to make the system flexible enough to seamlessly incorporate exceptional circumstances. I have a few measures I do take, but I'm not there yet.
Despite these problems, I still think having a system has enormous value in the long term. It lets me get shit done without even trying. And it gives me a point where I can rightfully stop doing stuff (even if I don't reach that point many days), so I don't get overwhelmed by everything I ever have to accomplish in my entire life and feel guilty for not having paid off the mortgage and finished saving for retirement.
I also think it will be useful to have the system as an ingrained habit when I reach my declining years. When I look at my grandparents in long-term care, it seems like the difference between peace and despair is a sense of "this is what I'm going to do today" rather than sitting around waiting for something interesting to happen. If I can automate the system well enough that it survives the loss of my faculties, hopefully my elderly self will just keep going through her daily routine by rote. Wake up, go to the bathroom, collect the newspapers (maybe not print newspapers any more when I'm elderly), boot up the computer (maybe not a computer any more when I'm elderly), open the blinds, sun salutation, etc. etc. Keep moving forward, no room for despair. (Which is why I invented the system during a period of unemployment in the first place!)
And if I need a break from it, hey, spare time!
3 comments:
You and I have the same pros and cons of Having A System.
I also used to get irritated at the extent to which my life was compartmentalized and scheduled. But overall... it was a good thing.
The compartmentalization and scheduling doesn't bother me per se, but I do find myself getting irritated when I have to depart from my schedule. So it causes things that aren't an imposition to feel like more of an imposition, which isn't really a good thing. Still working on that.
Right. That used to throw me like crazy. "I lost two hours of time on this! Now I'm so behind!" Instead of, these things happen, life is full of the unexpected, gotta go with it.
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