Friday, August 15, 2014

What do you do if someone decides to Talk To you?

With Robin Williams's death in the news, we're seeing a reinvigoration of the notion that if you're feeling depressed or suicidal, you should talk to someone, tell someone.

But what do you do if you're the someone the depressed or suicidal person chooses to talk to?

I totally understand that it's a big deal for the person to work up the nerve to Talk To you, and based on the combination of their impaired state and the cultural/media representation of the importance of Talking To Someone, they'd totally expect the act of Talking To you to trigger the solution.

But I genuinely have no idea what the next step is.  Get Them Help?  How?  I never learned this stuff. They issued my grownup card just because I can translate well and pay my rent on time.  I don't know how to solve real problems.

They really should publicize this information!  If they're going to tell people to Talk To Someone, they also need to tell all the Someones out there what the next couple of steps are!

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This also reminds me of when I was a kid, they'd tell you that if you ever find a needle (drug needle, not sewing needle) in the street or the playground, you should tell a grownup.  Fair enough.  But when I got my grownup card, they never told me what to do if someone finds a needle.  I seriously have no idea.

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Also, what are you supposed to do when someone comes out to you?  My emotional response is "duly noted" (and perhaps reconsidering any romantic pursuit strategy, as applicable), but what kind of response is actually useful?

8 comments:

karin said...

re: the needle. Call 311 and they'll send the appropriate people to come and take care of it safely. So basically, tell another adult :p

impudent strumpet said...

That is good to know, thank you! I'm very glad there are Official Needle People - much better than having to figure out how to safely dispose of it myself

laura k said...

Here's what I've learned.

First reponse: "Thank you for sharing that with me." This is the equivalent of "duly noted" with more warmth and compassion thrown in.

Second response, if it's appropriate: "Have you considered talking to a professional about that? Like, a suicide hotline, or a counseling service? I could help you look for one if you wanted."

In my experience, people who are suicidal are very unlikely to tell someone out of the blue. There is a lot of shame and embarrassment around suicide. So usually the person who Talks To you is already very close to you, and they don't need you to say anything, they just want you to be there.

In those cases, I find that "I'm so sorry" and "I love you so much and I hope you don't give up" is the way to go.

laura k said...

And try to focus on them and their feelings, rather than your own. Sometimes easier said than done.

karin said...

update from my actual life today: *apparently* 311 will only deal with a needle if it's on public property. if it happens to be on private property, then it's up to the property owner to deal with it.

this is from someone at 311 earlier, but that seems totally ridiculous to me because i'm pretty sure that very few people have the resources to safely dispose of a needle.

laura k said...

Re 311, that might depend on where you live. 311 lines are run by municipality, and they're each going to have different by-laws and different operating procedures.

impudent strumpet said...

@laura: Thanks, that's something I can actually do if I can get my ego to stop spewing out of my mouth for one conversation!

Actually, that statement applies to everything.

laura k said...

Applies to everything, and to everyone!